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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26711224">in clumsy confession</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orbitalknight/pseuds/orbitalknight'>orbitalknight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XIV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:01:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,386</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26711224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orbitalknight/pseuds/orbitalknight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In a moment of calm between what seems a never-ending chain of storms, two former Azure Dragoons take a moment to sort out their feelings.</p>
<p>It's not so much an issue to attack with a lance, as perhaps with the lips.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Warrior of Light/Estinien Wyrmblood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in clumsy confession</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>two things to keep in mind upfront: </p>
<p>first is that this is the second in a series of vignettes i've written featuring etienne with estinien. you can find the first one here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26337454</p>
<p>secondly, while it's generally not super relevant, etienne is also part of a 3 warrior of light au i have written with some friends. it is worth noting that there's some minor canon divergence, and between 3.4-3.5 he and estinien leave ishgard together. (or more properly, etienne meets him on his way, and the events of the 60-70 drg quests unfold with both of them present. this is something i'm working on writing, oops...)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Estinien,” Etienne could hardly keep the incredulity out of his voice, “You mean to tell me you didn’t realize I was in love with you until </span>
  <em>
    <span>yesterday?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On some occasions, it was painfully obvious that Estinien still hadn’t quite figured out that the top half of his face was visible and very, very readable. While the tight line of his lips alone may have betrayed nothing, every other feature of his expression spelled out surprise and embarrassment in equal measure. He scrubbed a hand through his hair, cheeks flushed as red as Nidhogg’s eyes. “...Yes?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Etienne patted a place next to him on the inn bed. “Please. No need to pace.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Estinien made a sound somewhere in the vicinity of frustration before acquiescing. If there had been more space on the mattress, he likely would have put some distance between himself and Etienne. As it was, he was close enough that Etienne could with little effort reach over and gently entwine their fingers. The touch was familiar by now, for both of them, and yet Etienne wondered if there could not be some deeper meaning distilled by the practice of it in this moment so heavy with unspoken emotion. Estinien’s hands weren’t soft, but they were always warm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It does not make me think less of you, you know,” Etienne picked his words carefully, watching Estinien’s expression, “I simply... struggle to think how else you interpreted my insistence on traveling with you, or the many days I spent at your bedside doing just this.” He motioned with his free hand to the other, less free hand. “You yourself called it affection.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Estinien mumbled something nigh unintelligible, but Etienne thought he heard “professional courtesy” among the syllables. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Etienne stifled a laugh. “Well then, dragoon to dragoon... May I kiss you as a professional courtesy?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Estinien stiffened, squeezing Etienne’s hand before the tension lifted from his shoulders. “‘Twould be rude if you did not... Professionally speaking.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With all due hesitation, Etienne let go of Estinien’s hand and stood up, crossing to stand in front. With hands he hoped weren’t too shaky, Etienne placed one on each of Estinien’s cheeks and leaned forward, closing the space between their lips. He wanted, wanted so much it ached, to deepen the kiss, to overwhelm Estinien with all the love he’d been so carefully carrying. The kiss he delivered was gentle. It was, by all estimations, professional. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Estinien caught one of Etienne’s hands as he pulled away. “I may not have taken proper note of your affections until but recently, but I know you well enough to mark your restraint.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Etienne blushed, redness spreading nearly to the tips of his ears. “I did not want to... to cause you undue distress.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And here I was laboring under the assumption that you so enjoyed teasing me for that precise reason.” A smirk curled at the corner of Estinien’s lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s different!” Etienne huffed,  “I’ll tell you outright that I love you very much and very deeply, Estinien Wyrmblood. And you would not be pleased to know how inaccurate your estimation is of when I first knew that to be so!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Estinien cocked an eyebrow. “Is that so? And a lack of restraint on your part would disclose this fact?” He folded his arms, but instead of meeting Etienne’s gaze, his steel-blue eyes drifted towards his boots. “Mayhap you should demonstrate to be certain.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are more interested in kissing me than I would have expected,” Etienne seated himself sideways on Estinien’s lap, once again entwining his fingers with the hair that fell across Estinien’s cheeks, “Just how long have you been in love with </span>
  <em>
    <span>me, </span>
  </em>
  <span>pray tell?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Longer than professional courtesy dictates.” Estinien’s breath was warm with each word, “How long do you intend to keep me waiting? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Etienne closed his eyes, letting his lips find their way to Estinien’s. He registered in the periphery of sensation Estinien’s hands around his waist. Etienne could feel a rapid pulse beneath his fingertips, but he could not be certain of to which party it belonged. This kiss was not, by the standards of the one prior, professional. However clumsy Estinien may have been with his affection, he answered every bit of pressure that Etienne put upon his lips in equal measure. No restraint from the moment of contact, but some, perhaps, when Estinien pulled Etienne close, his head on Etienne’s shoulder. It was a wordless gesture, but the meaning was clear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Etienne draped his arms over Estinien’s shoulders, pressed a cheek to the head of white hair, and let out a long, slow breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They lay upon the bed in the silence of a long companionship, Etienne with his head against Estinien’s chest, slowly rising and falling. The puzzle of a question still unanswered hung above them, and while Etienne was tempted to answer it with another kiss, he did not want to relinquish his position. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was a cold day in the Coerthas Central Highlands,” he began, and Estinien’s breathing fluttered slightly to attention, “And I had been sent at the behest of the Gridanian Lancer’s guild and Ser Alberic Bale to the last known location of a thief of a holy relic. He drew his lance on me, and laughed at the desperation of sending a green adventurer to do the work of the See.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Estinien gave a “hmph” by way of comment, and perhaps an acknowledgment of a distant event just as he remembered it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But he was dissuaded from combat by the stirring of the relic, the eye of a great wyrm that had ever chosen but one champion, and he departed as quickly as he arrived, in a jump that shook the snow from the peaks.”Etienne continued, “That was not the day I fell in love with you, howevermuch I felt the stir of fate. It was by learning of you that I found my wish to know you, and each time returned to the Observatorium with my lance a little sharper, hoping to chance upon you again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Estinien was silent, but shifted a hand to rest atop Etienne’s head, tangling his fingers in the hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you are worried I am going to say that your near-possession and attempt on my life was the point at which I knew my feelings for you, do not be. I may find the event especially funny in hindsight, but not particularly romantic,” Etienne could feel Estinien let out a long breath, “It was also a rather less intimate event, purely by numbers. Upon the Steps of Faith, a great dragon felled, I saw you atop a tower. And you smiled at me, or I think you might have. I smiled at you. And I knew in that moment, we </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> worked together, two Azure Dragoons, and I was in love with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Estinien was quiet for a long time, idly stroking Etienne’s hair. “I felt less than half of a man, lying limp on a sickbed. My life’s one goal fulfilled, and for little satisfaction. For days on end I contemplated naught but purpose and regret, and I knew I could not stay in Ishgard. I had full well decided to leave, to take my farewell tour to the Dragonsong War, and live out the rest of my days as a wanderer should the wind not deign to take me back again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have ever been one to work alone. Such is my wont.  But for all your days at my bedside, I had come to find that I did not at all detest your extended company. I did not think you would agree if I asked you to journey with me, given your... attachments far outnumber mine own. And yet you did not hesitate to say yes. I could not well express it, but full glad was I that you did.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was a day upon the road, like many others. We’d not been traveling long. You wanted for conversation, but I could do little to oblige you. For what little I offered, you laughed nonetheless. I’d not felt before anything like what I did then. ‘Twas not the burn of vengeance or dragonfire upon my breast. Still, I knew the feeling for what it was. ‘Tis not so grand as your story, Etienne, though my ending remains the same.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>... honestly i probably should have saved this one for when i had a proper chronology of fic but sometimes you just wanna put out your tender content asap u know</p>
<p>i love writing them. they make me happy. i am looking forward to having the time to properly chronicle their traveling adventures! </p>
<p>here's etienne's lodestone bio again, for those curious: https://na.finalfantasyxiv.com/lodestone/character/30250148/</p>
<p>i have a funny feeling that ffxiv might end up climbing to my most written series here in not too long... definitely a surprise. but that's how they get you!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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